well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
