I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Say something about gay babies.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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