loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We have started to decorate penises.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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