Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
