Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
