Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
