i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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