i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
