I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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