youre lurking in front of me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
home. puking in laundry basket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
