So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
