just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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