You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
