Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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