I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
