you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
