My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
