Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
