Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
