I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
