fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
