you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
