Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
