Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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