Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
