someone threw a dead crab at me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you inspire me to be a worse person
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
