Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
