Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
