So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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