I smell stomach acid.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
