where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I forget how to act sober
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
