I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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