Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
