Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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