Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
