hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
