i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
