We're facebook friends in real life
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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