I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
