best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
