seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
