3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
