I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
