he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That accounts for only three of the penises
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
