woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
