your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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