Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
