Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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