You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
