Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
