I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
